welcome to BATTLE of the DADS
MEET THE DADS
♛dad owen ♛
PROS:
- reigning champion, undefeated for 29 years and counting
- EXCELLENT cook
- understands my musical taste
- remembers my birthday every year
- calls me pumpkin
- supports my aspirations
- picked jeannine to be my stepmom
- loved me like his own since i was a baby
- only ever gets mad at God and racism
- can do every cool move in mario 64
- likes live music
- has hobbies and reads books
- makes just the best waffles you will ever eat
- very tall, if he was my biological father could have made me tall
- broke the parental chain of trauma by raising my sister and me w love and care
- expresses interest in my hobbies even if they don't interest him personally
- very handy and can build anything
CONS:
- doesn't like my cooking
- doesn't like vegetables
dad don
PROS:
- unkillable terminator creature
- can drive a boat
- die-hard union tradesman
- never took me fishing
CONS:
- doesn't like my cooking
- came in dead last every year since the first annual in 1992.
- also lost his court case to dispute the fact of my paternity (can't stop losing)
- forgot my birthday this year and spelled my name wrong on the card he gave me
- won't take me out on a boat
- gets angry a lot at things that don't matter
- tells my baby stories as though he was there (he wasn't)
- case study in domestic violence and toxic masculinity
- terrible sleep apnea
- short and made me short too
- small business owner
- only hobbies are watching tv and getting mad at politics and living vicariously through his son
- only expresses interest in my work or interests if they're relevant to him
- halitosis
- thinks he could have saved janis joplin
- disowned me twice but won't commit, makes my mom reinsert him into my life
- too serious about children's sports